Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Hello friends.

What the heck!  Its the end of November.  This year has flown by.  I'm in shock.

Ok - so last week both my boys had awesome accomplishments and I wanted to share.

We signed J up for Tae Kwon Do through our rec department in the fall.  He has been going for 5 weeks now.  Last week was testing week.  He had a drill he had learned and he had to break a board. And break one he did!  Here is video.  Apparently, he and another boy were the only ones to be offered the thickest boards to break.  Check out his proud face at the end!

Not to be outdone, this video of Z was taken on midweek last week.  He didn't turn 10 months old till Sunday.  He is much better every day.

My life is full of things I am thankful for, but mostly these two healthy growing thriving boys.  Have a fantastic holiday everyone.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Walking - eeeek!

Hello friends.  

Yes, you read that right.  Z is walking.  Well, to be fair he's walking holding hands but did take a few actual steps last night.   I give it a week or so before we are in big trouble!

In other catch up news.  Per my breakdown post last week, Z had his check up on Wednesday night and is, are you ready for it?  17.8 lbs!  He's only in the 8th percentile for weight!  And no, has still not doubled his birth weight.  Sigh.  He has shot up in height though, I don't remember the inches but he is 73rd for height as opposed to the 40-something he was last time.  I guess we are getting there.

Z was wriggling, crawling, pulling to standing, babbling and chewing on everything while the Dr was in there.  He laughed and said it looks like he just burns it all off. I agreed.  Few ground rules, he can only have formula, no water, no juice. Sad as he LOVES water!  Only formula, we can introduce meats and feed him when and whatever he will eat.  So we keep trying with the baby food for now, especially cereal as I mix with formula and its another vehicle for those all important calories.  We have been offering him some real food.  I have been a bit like a mama bird lately.  Husband made grownup mac-n-cheese on Thursday and I sucked the cheese and other stuff off of a few noodles and gave him small pieces.  LOVE!  Yesterday, I did the same to potatoes from a chicken pot pie.  LOVE.  Last weekend, I did the same with grapes  - to get it out of the skin, and yesterday with a dill pickle. I gave him some ice cream on a spoon. He loves it.   I think he really likes to eat that way there is just no way he can get enough that way. Working on a balance between baby food and people food so he gets enough calories and can continue with is independence.

Mommy got some rest and though nothing is any cleaner or more organized, it is what it is and my panic about life and no time, has abated for today. One day at a time.  That's all for now.  Hope you all have a great week.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Eating struggles & How to get it done

Hello Friends,

Well I write today as a frustrated mama bear.  No worries, Baby Z is happy and healthy.  And super stubborn! I just don't know what to do.

He is not a good eater when there is a lot going on so when we were out of town this weekend, I was not surprised when he didn't do well with the bottle. With 6 other kids and 5 adults in a small space, he just couldn't be bothered to sit still and drink.  He did fairly well with cereal, fruit and veggies at lunch and dinner so I wasn't too worried. He was just a bit low on liquid.  This brings us to coming home Sunday night.  He refused to eat his dinner for Husband (I had run to get  a pizza) so we chalked it up to tired baby, tossed him in bed and he took a nap. Woke up took a bath, refused more food, nursed and went to sleep.

 Monday he ate AWESOME for the sitter.  Big bottles and gobbled up his lunch of cereal and fruit.  Then I put him in the highchair for dinner and when approached with the spoon, closed his lips tight ,arched his body away and looked at the wall.  I tried several times to coerce him into eating and it ended with him crying.  So I put him in his crib and he falls asleep. Again attribute it to tired baby and will try again later.  He woke up at 8:30 and again had no interest in eating, just playing.  Gave him a few ounces out of a bottle and nursed him to sleep (night time nursing is slowly fading away).

Tuesday, rinse repeat.  Although I lost my temper, not at him of course, but I did lose it.  I cleaned him up (carrots ended up everywhere when I tried to let him do it himself), put him in his crib for a nap and crawled onto my own bed angry, sad, frustrated, worried.  Is he getting enough nutrition?  He is super happy and beyond active.   Am I doing the right thing?  Is he just not hungry? I'm doing my best and to provide food for him and he refuses.

He is such a light weight.  We go tonight for his 9 month appointment and I'm not sure he is much over 16 lbs.  So far he has yet to double his birth weight - should have done that by 6 months.   We will see what the Dr has to say.  He is a great pediatrician, I just feel like sometimes, he is educating me on being a better parent in a sort of condescending way.  So as much as I need to go for advice, I'm prepping for being "taught."

This is all compounded with my current frustration with how to get it all done....How on earth do we get what needs doing with J and Z in the 2 hours we are home after work before J needs to be in bed?  In the door, got through his backpack, try to prep for the morning, make J's dinner, feed Z (when he wants to eat....), possibly make our dinner (this is often pushed back till 9 after everyone else is taken care of and in bed), is there school work?  can he get some reading or math drills in?, bedtime routines and tuck in.  Lord help us if its a bath night or we need to run to the store on the way home.  My house is a mess, and not as clean as it should be, I'm exhausted and feel like I'm on a gerbil wheel.  What happens when J has real homework next year?  How do people do it?  And make it look effortless? The answer people give me is you just do it.  When?  and How?  This doesn't even begin to address that J cannot be in after school activities because it ends before I'm done with work at 5 and I have no child care for him unless he goes on the day care van right after school.....Chess club ends at 4:30, Soccer starts at 5. Baseball starts at 5.

J is tap dancing again this year and we are going to try Tae Kwon Do through our rec dept starting tomorrow.  That now chews up 2 nights after pick up so the routine listed above just got bumped an hour to an hour and a half later.....I'm at a loss.  I guess if I dont have to feed Z an evening meal, it just got easier right......?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Hello Friends,

Life has been super busy.  Sorry for not posting more regularly.  Some updates.  The week J started school, we took Z to the sitter and we had a Mommy and Daddy day with him.  Rock climbing in the morning (not me, Im afraid of heights), a pizza arcade place for lunch and the zoo in the afternoon.  What a great day.  For him, and us.  It was nice to spend time with out worrying about Z's naps, feeding or fussing.  A great way to end the summer.

Jackson is settling into first grade, and we are all settling into a school year routine.  Earlier bedtimes, reading and math practice, behaving in school.  And keeping up with Z who is now at 8 months is furniture cruising, crawling, climbing, standing.....moving everywhere.  If that child is not moving, hes sleeping!  If you get in his way or he cant get where he thinks he should, he had quite the temper.  He is so much more work, and soooo much fun than I remembered.

On September 11, we took a day and went to see Husbands sister and family.  It turned into a wonderful day sitting on their back porch visiting, catching up and watching the cousins (and some adults-again, not me) ride the zip line they put up in their back yard. Yes I did say zip line.  This is the same family that turns their backyard into an ice skating rink in the winter. Here are pics of J getting used to it and then flying by (cousin E holding on to a stop rope just in case).

One more thing I just had to share.  Z has a little couch and he loves to climb over it.  His method is hilarious and unexpected. Enjoy this little video.  Dancer friends, don't you think of "Singin in the Rain"?  What a cutie!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Too fast

Hello Friends.

Well this summer is just a whirlwind - it's going by waaaay too fast. How in the heck did it become August?  I promised pictures a few weeks ago but I swear it was just the other day!  I will not post this with out pictures, I promise!

Since that post we went to a cabin in central Wisconsin with some very good friends.  I'm not sure I would take a mobile 6 month old to a tiny cabin with 4 adults and 3 other children again but we did.   When we planned it, we thought he would be much more stationary.  How mobile can he be at 6 months right? Not so much -he was everywhere!  Next year he will be 18 months old and very mobile but I am prepared for that and it seems much more manageable   

Husband got pretty sick while we were there.  Threw up a few times and had some pretty serious tummy trouble.  8 bodies, 2 bedrooms and 1 tiny bathroom  He was miserable, and if it hadn't been almost a 6 hour drive (due to several stops to let out a complaining Z) we would have gone home.  By staying at least he could be in a bed an only have to pray that no one was in the bathroom when he needed it.  Baby Z got a bit spoiled in that I couldn't really let him cry it out in such close quarters and with a sick daddy.  So every time he cried I picked him up.  Two of the mornings I took him outside in an effort to let everyone else sleep.  This pic was taken at 6 am, we had already been up since 5 and gone outside due to Z discovering how to screech!  

The rest of us had a great time! Swimming in the lake, taking out the paddle boat a few times (I am seriously out of shape - that totally kicked my a$$!).  Here is a nice pic of all the kids in the lake.  My bestie E is right nearby and the curly headed girl in purple is my god-daughter.  (Z is E's god-son. We are a tight bunch.)

Someone gave us a Dome Away from Home thing for Z, I dont think they make them anymore but was it nice.  It was a gorgeous breezy day so I put Z in it near the lake and 30 min later I saw this......

What a life, I totally would have sacked out like that if there was one in my size!

On Saturday, Husband rallied in order to coach me through prepping the ribs for a long 6 hour smoke (OMG were they good!) and to get J set up to fish.  J had practiced his casting all day Friday while daddy was sick so was pretty good by the time he actually got a worm and a hook on the line.   Didn't take long before he caught his first fish all by himself.  This was the first year that Husband wasn't right there helping.  Look at that smile (and the tiny fish)!

So I have mentioned how Baby Z is in a hurry to grow up.  Why, oh why wont he slow down.  Well.  When we got home from the cabin, I needed him to take a nap so I put him in his crib to cry it out a bit, remember he got a bit spoiled.  Well, all of a sudden his cry changed and was he mad!  I could tell he wouldn't settle down on his own so went into is room and this is what I see.

There he was standing in his crib, holding on for dear life and screaming bloody murder!  He looks like he is smiling but he is PISSED! Needless to say the pretty bumper and the mobile have come out of the crib.  He can step up on the bumper and can now reach and pull on the mobile.  My baby's room doesn't look so much like a nursery any more.....this is happening way too fast!

That was one week ago.  Now his mission in life is to stand up wherever he can.  And once he gets to standing, he has started to practice letting go with one hand.  Where did my little baby go?  At only 15 lbs, he is still little, he is just very mobile and not so interested in snuggling anymore.  Booooo.

Which leads to my last thoughts.  We have obviously started to be done with some of the baby stuff.  The bouncy seat, the swing, the baby bathtub....   So Husband says we should have a sale.  Logically this makes sense, clear some space, earn back a little $, but something in me just wont say yes.  On one hand, we always planned on just two kids, our house is not big enough for another (although the family we bought it from had 4 kids - there is only 1 bathroom!!!!), and our budget is certainly not big enough for another.  And yet, just like with the birth control.....I cant seem to bring myself to be done. Is it the struggle to have Z and not being willing to cut off the ability?  Is it unwillingness to accept that that chapter of my life is coming to a close?  Do I really want a 3rd baby?  Can my body take another pregnancy at 38ish? Sigh, baby Z being on such a fast track has made me long to keep him small.  

So I hang on to every moment and try to figure out my head.  J will start 1st grade in September...yikes.  He to is getting big fast.  Right now he is enjoying 2 overnights with his Grammy in IL along with his 5 older cousins.  They have many fun adventures planned.  When did he get old enough for that?  He didn't even call to say goodnight.....I might call tonight, I miss him.

Enjoy the rest of summer friends, stay safe, wear your sunscreen and good luck on any journey you are on.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Time - flying by and not enough of it

Can you believe it?  Today Z is 6 months old by the calendar (26 weeks on Thursday).  He has cut two teeth, can sit up on his own and started to crawl. (yes thats a bit early)  He has started on cereal and we have introduced peas.  He is still a little guy, in the 12th percentile, but is starting to get some chub on his thighs so I think we are headed in the right direction! He puts everything in his mouth that he can.  Example: This weekend we had to attend a funeral and we were at a luncheon afterwards and he was playing on the floor.  I looked away for a min to talk to Husband and when I looked back he had crawled to their suede couch and was chewing on it!  Like a puppy! Thank fully they were quite gracious and have many grandchildren so it was probably not the first time for that couch but still.  

I still breastfeed before he goes down between 8 and 9pm then on demand until 6:30ish in the morning - he usually wakes up just once around 4 and then again at 6ish.  He happily takes a bottle during the day that contains whatever breast milk I can pump from the day before and we top it off with formula.  I am very proud that I have made it this long pumping during the day, I think I stopped in May with J.  Sadly, I cannot keep up with his needs.  I only get about 8-9 ounces out of 2 or 3 pumping during the day.  Even on the weekends I cannot supply him with his needs so I have been pumping and topping off because he gets so frustrated with me.  I am seriously considering dropping the daytime pumping altogether and just maintaining the nighttime nursing. Yet, I am proud of the precious 2-3 ounces I can put in each of his bottles.  I am so torn.  Husband says it totally up to me.  I want to do whats best but its a lot of time and effort for so little reward.  This week I have dropped to 2 pumpings during the day and still am getting about 8oz.  We will see.

For the rest of us, things have been whirlwind busy this summer.  Swimming lessons for J on Tuesdays, swimming for all of us (usually just J goes in and we socialize) on Thursdays and activities with friends and family on weekends.  We are having a great time.  But I just don't have time.  There is not much left over after activities and baby.  My house is not as clean as it should be.  No really.  There is dust everywhere.  I am barely on top of the laundry, and we eat take out WAAAAy more than we should cause there is either nothing in the fridge to eat for dinner/lunch or we dont have time to cook it.  Getting off of work at 5, to barely get home before 6 with out any extra stops makes getting it all done really hard.  I am seriously thinking about a cleaning lady once a month to start with.   That doesnt seem like a lot but at this point its probably more than Im getting done.   God that's embarrassing to say.

So for now, I'm trying to focus on the fact that I have happy healthy kids.  We are having a fun summer, enjoying our backyard with family and friends. I hope to be a better more frequent blogger someday soon and I will post pics of the kiddos soon.

Stay cool everyone.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Birth Control Discussion - really?

Hello Friends,

Its hard to believe that after 3+ years of no birth control, adding fertility drugs and all the other stuff resulting in no baby and then not 1 but 2 pregnancies last year, one, thankfully resulting in baby Z,  I must discuss and think about birth control.  But it is a reality.  So here goes.

Now, mind you, at my 6 week postpartum appt I asked to be put on the mini-pill while breastfeeding, because when you have a baby in January, it is entirely possible to have another baby in the same calendar year.  YIKES! That was a form of Russian Roulette I was not willing to play.  Our finances, and our household space could not take another baby right now.  Oh, of course we would make it work, but I would have to quit my job and it would be beyond hard.

Husband and I have always discussed only wanting two children.  Now, after lots of hard work and prayers, our family is complete with two children.  Five months complete.  I am having a hard time keeping up on the pumping at work and my body knows it as it just started its 2nd cycle post baby.  This means that the mini pill combined with breast feeding may not be doing enough to prevent further pregnancy.  So a decision had to be made.  My doctor gave us several options:
1 - Condom - prolly not a popular choice for Husband and I'm not a huge fan
2 - Pull and Pray. Yes you read that right! I had never heard it called that and thought it was very funny.  But not reliable and not always satisfying and to be honest I think we were trying that method when I told him not to cause it was sooo good and we got Z.....  'nough said.
3 - Switch to the regular pill, don't forget to take it.  
4 - Do something more permanent to either Husband or myself.  Now most people, after having 2 babies, would have their husband go get snipped.  But mine has already had a surgery down there for testicular cancer and he is none to thrilled to do it again, even though its minor.  He has said that he would if that's what I wanted but he'd rather not.  Can you blame him?  I cant.  So that leaves me.  Should I get my tubes tied?  While I'm fairly certain that we are done, it took soooo long to get baby Z that I'm reluctant to jump right to permanent.  Can you blame me?
5 - Dr VF recommended Mi.r.ena.  She said it has same sucess rate as snipping or tubes and can be put in, work for 5 years and if we change our minds about another baby, it can be removed and we can try right away.  Called my ins and they said it was covered   in full after deductible.   Well, I had a baby in Jan so we have beyond met our deductible for this year!  So for $0 I can have it put in and have no costs associated with birth control for the next 5 years........ No brainer!

Yesterday, I went and had it put in.  A little painful going in, and then crampy for the rest of the day and today nothing.  No co-pays for 5 years, nothing to think about for 5 years, nothing permanent for 5 years, and no babies for 5 years.  At that point I will be old.  Yes I will be old then, and will be ready to make a more permanent decision.  Or I can just have another put in and go from there.  :)

So there you have it.  I successfully made a decision with out actually making a decision. Have a great 4th of July folks.  

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Catching up!

Hello friends.

Sorry I have fallen off the  blog posting fence.  I am a loyal reader and a sometimes commenter but a lousy poster.

Well, things at our house are going pretty well (besides needing a cleaning lady and a few more hours in the day).  Z is about 4 1/2 months old and is a happy, smiley baby.  We are struggling with his weight a bit.  He keeps gaining, but slowly and by default keeps dropping on the growth charts.  Last week he was only 13 lbs 3 oz and had dropped to the 12th percentile in weight.  Kinda strange for a baby that was almost 9lbs at birth.  Dr is only slightly concerned as he is a happy, active and very strong.  I have been having some trouble keeping up pumping breast milk with what he consumes at the sitter so sometimes we have to supplement the bottles with a few ounces of formula.  He was spitting up a lot and it was slime-y when I gave him a certain kind of formula so I switched and that seems better.  He still spits up but its not gross. Dr is hoping that will help him keep in calories.

Do you want to see a pic of a happy baby boy?

 I took this last night right after I put him in the tub.  That smile, just warms me through and through.  And wow does he ever look like J!

Speaking of J-he finishes Kindergarten today.  Holy Cow.  I have a 1st grader!  And an infant.  And a house - with a huge new play set in the yard.  Thats all a bit mind blowing.  I seriously never thought we would have the last 3.  Just seemed so unattainable.  What a difference a year makes.

Quick side story: My sis and I are 8 years apart and my mom put a play set in our backyard with the thought that if the big kids (me and my friends) all played in our yard, she would always know where lil sis was.  And we did and she did!  So, taking a parenting note from my mom, we invested some of our tax rebate in this:

We figure that we have at least 8 more years of play set playing in our future so we went big!  We also wanted to cover the age span for interests. Its good for little ones and big ones.  I think I might go down the slide tonight.....

In other news, after teaching dance at the studio for 20+ years, I came to the decision that I needed a break.  I am constantly rushing to leave my day job early, to get the boys, to nurse or pump while watching the clock (not successful either way), change cloths, grab a granola bar and rush out the door to just to get to class late.  I was just struggling.  On my last 2 weeks of maternity leave, I realized I wasn't missing it.  I went back to teach in March and it was just alright and it used to be so much fun.  So I tendered my resignation.  I will still sub on occasion and may even teach J's tap class in the fall (right now he thinks karate sounds cooler).  The weird part, I had to turn in my key last night.  I have been a key holder forever.  I still have the keys from the last 2 locations, yes I kept them.  It seemed very strange and yet its a relief to be done for now. A huge weight of obligation lifted as I handed that over.   Although, I did find myself tapping a rhythm under my desk this morning, so I don't think I'm done forever, just for now.

So tomorrow we head into summer.  J is doing 2 days of field trips a week at the daycare where he does before and after school.  Headed to places like a Brewers game, a Wave game, rock climbing, and mini golf.  The other days he will head to the sitters with Z as she has a pool and video games.  Tuesday swimming lessons at the Y and Thursday pool parties at a friends house in the evenings.  Add that to some horseback riding with my dad on the weekends, (J recently started learning how to "drive" the horse by himself, and I swung into the saddle for a few minutes the other day as well. ) I think we are going to have a great summer! Now if the weather would just cooperate....90+ yesterday and today, 60's tomorrow through Sat....

I will try to stay more up to date.  I pray all is going well for each of you what ever step you are in right now.  Stay safe everyone!  Happy Summer!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Pumping and my real life gummy bear

Hi all,

Things are good here.  Back to work has made life hectic.  Seriously, I need 2 more hours in every day.  Then we might have clean cloths to wear - ok its not that bad - maybe we would have dry cloths to wear!

Z  will be 10 weeks old on Thursday and is doing very well at the sitters - he takes bottles from her (sucks them down she says), refuses from me (why would I need a bottle from you mommy?) and reluctantly takes them from Husband (just take me to mommy he cries) only taking enough to get him through until I get home.  Lets just say they are both glad when I get there.  Mind you, as a nursing mommy, I only leave when I have to.  Other than work when he is at the sitters, I teach dance on Monday nights and Saturday morning so am gone for about 3 hours each time.

Surprisingly, I have been able to mostly keep up with pumping at work.  I had to supplement (by mixing in formula) for the first few days and then I hit a schedule at work and have been able to maintain it.  The sitter supplemented a bit when he suddenly went from 2oz to 3oz and very quickly to 4oz in every bottle.  This experience is so different from when J was a baby, my daily schedule was all over the place then so finding a pumping time that was consistent was next to impossible.  He was supplemented during the day a lot. I just buckled down, and did my best able to nurse at night and in the mornings until he was 10 months old.  Now, I go into the training room of our office, close the door (it doesn't lock), put a post it on the door saying "Mommy duties, please knock", and the office of mostly men steer very clear.  Im hoping to continue this as long as I can, but wont stress if I cant as J turned out just fine and he got waaaay less breast milk from me.

I will say thank goodness for smart phones, I can pump, keep up with personal emails, Facebook, and People.com (must stay up on pop culture!).

Remember back in June when I was first pregnant and Dr VF called him a gummy bear?  Well I took this pic yesterday afternoon and it made me think of that statement.

Gotta go get some work done.  Have a great week everyone!

Friday, March 4, 2011

What a difference a year makes

Hello friends,

Sorry it has been so long since i have written.  Life here has been busy and yet idealic.  We get up every morning and take husband to work and drop off J at school, then we do the reverse pickup in the evening.  It breaks up the day, gets us out of the house and keeps me sane.  Im also hoping that it will make getting going in the morning when I have to go back to work next week a little easier.  We have all been cherishing baby Z and settling into life with a newborn.

So, I had a realization yesterday morning. Yesterday was exactly one year from my D&C for the miscarriage.    Oh what can happen in a year!  A day of such sadness and loss, only 365 days later, I was driving to the clinic across the street from the surgery center for my postpartum check up with our gorgeous baby boy.  Our 1st born has turned into a wonderful big brother.  Our family is complete. I am at peace.  I am energized.  I am happy.  

Do not get me wrong friends, our struggle and pain to get to this point are still completely in my awareness.  I do not take our journey lightly.  I am actually still trying to fathom the reason for it.  Though I have always known that all things happen for a reason, the miscarriage truly tested me.   As you know, I kind of just gave it all up to "whatever" after the miscarriage and He saw us through.  I believe in it more than ever now,  He has a plan, we may never know the how or the why but there is a plan.  Sorry, I didn't mean to get all religious on you, thats just what happened. 

On a lighter note, can you believe its been 6 weeks?  Z was 6 weeks old yesterday and I had my follow up with my fabulous OB. She was sweet as always.  Z was sleeping in his carrier and she just gazed at him for awhile and said over and over how happy she was for us.  I had taken her a photo birth announcement and a heartfelt thank you note and she gave me a hug and told me it was a pleasure to walk with us on the journey to Z.  God I love her.

Yes, you did read that correctly up above, I am headed back to work already next week.  I work for a small business so 12 weeks off was not possible,and lets be honest, I need to earn some money.  Technically I should be there today, but my boss is on vacation today and Monday and told me not to come in until next Tuesday.  Um...two more days??  OK!!!  This worked out soo well as I get to chaperon a field trip for J on Monday morning and let the babysitter and Z get to know each other for a partial day.  J has been begging for me to go on a field trip and I am loathe to use precious vacation days (I only get 10) on a field trip.  I would rather save them for family events. So he is happy and so am I. I then plan on half days of work on Tuesday and Wednesday and diving in full time on Thursday.  Let the relationship with the pump begin!  A post on this to follow I am sure.

I must go now.  Z will only sleep for a tiny bit longer and I need to change the wash load in the basement before he wakes up.  Have a great weekend.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Zachary John

Well friends, one week later I finally am getting to post the post of my dreams.  He's here!  Zachary John arrived on Thursday, January 20 at 8:22pm.  He weighed in at 8lbs 14oz and was 21.5 inches long.   He is safe, healthy, and has 10 fingers and 10 toes.

Went to the Dr last week Monday and I was still no further along.  He was looking quite content high up in my body. I talked it over with Dr VF and she mentioned that she was really hoping to deliver him.  (usually you just get whomever is on call if you go into labor naturally). I too mentioned that while it didn't matter so much that she didn't deliver J, that this time it seemed only right that she help this baby into the world.  She was on call for Thursday and said that while they usually like moms to be further dilated, she would induce me on that morning anyway.  Hooray!!!! An eviction day!  It really took a load off of my shoulders.  I could totally clear off my desk at work knowing I wasn't coming back.  I was able to schedule people to take care of J and getting to the hospital etc...instead of winging it depending on day and peoples availability.

The induction went fine.  They started the Pitocin around 7:45 and she tried to break my water around 8:30 but was unsuccessful (he was still too high up.  Then I stood up to go for the recommended walking around the unit to help him drop and my water ended up breaking about 9:30.  Holy buckets!!! So glad that didn't happen anywhere but at the hospital - I didn't realize it could be THAT much.  After that contractions and back labor hit hard but once I got the epidural around lunch time, I took an amazing nap for a good part of the afternoon.  The nap was a good thing cause it took just over 2 hours of pushing to get the "little" guy out! His head and my pubic bone had quite the argument.  I did sorta quit at the end but my amazing Dr was there for me all the way.  Coaching me and telling me that after all we have been through, now was not the time to quit so, get to it so we could meet him!  Well, I couldn't quit then.  Somehow he come out not cone shaped and boy did he look HUGE to me!  Then the tears came, lots and lots of happy, overwhelmed, exhausted tears.  I am so glad Dr VF was able to be there for us.  Not just for the coaching, and understanding but she walked this walk with us since J was born and she understood the emotions and the specialness of the moment.  She gave Husband and I both huge hugs before she left that night.  She was truely excited and happy for us.

He is gorgeous and sweet and all that a baby should be.  We are settling in and wow is this time different!  No rest for the weary when you already have a 6 year old at home.  Stuff just needs to get done you know. To save on child care when J is not in school, he is home with me which means drop off and pick up everyday.  As long as we are dropping J off, we get up at almost our usual time and take Husband to work as well  (we only have one vehicle).  My hope is that this getting up routinely now, will help to schedule us and make going back to work in 5 more short weeks a little easier in the am.

Milestones:  3.5 hours sleep in one stretch last night.  I can put my shoes on (got very puffy after delivery) again.  I cant quite sleep on my tummy but sleeping is much more comfortable and ... I can zip up my coat!!!  This is a good thing cause over the weekend it was positively frigid here in Wisconsin.

I have attached a few pics (wrong order but you get the idea!)

First Packer game!  A great brother snuggle!

Less than an hour old!

The next day  - the Motley boys getting to know each other.  

10 minutes after coming home.  Look at the smile!!!
Lastly  - J.  He is already an amazing big brother.  How many 6 year olds beg to hold their siblings and then will sit contentedly for an entire quarter of a football game or a 30 minute TV show?  He talks to him, tries to soothe him when he cries, and cant kiss him enough.  He is so sweet and I think somehow understands how special Z is that it will just choke me and Husband with emotion to see it.  I am not delusional.  Will it last forever? Probably not as I am sure that once Z gets into J's toys that life will be harder but for now the love in this house is positively overflowing.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Patience is a virtue....

If patience is really a virtue, I am failing miserably.  I am 39 weeks and 1 day and I am getting impatient.  I want this baby to be here. 

My doctor keeps telling me how patient I have been waiting and trying for so long to get pregnant.  Now I am pregnant, and despite feeling so blessed to have achieved it, I am done.  I am so ready for him to be here.  I am achy and sore in my nether regions, yet exam on Monday showed  no progress since last week when I was 1 cm and 25% effaced.   Even my biggest pregnancy cloths don't fit right cause he is dropped lower and I am carrying more in front than last time.  My pants don't wanna stay up and my tops don't wanna stay down.  Getting ready in the morning to look semi -professional sucks.  I am ready at work: lists made, people trained, projects completed and no new ones started....(boring).  I am mostly ready at home: room ready, clothing washed, bag packed except for daily essentials.

We were more ready on Sunday night as I had spent the day sorting and organizing - probably nesting - finding homes for J's Christmas and birthday gifts.  But J got a virus Mon and threw up all over his bed, a book case and the carpet in his room.  Poor boy did so good all day - making it to bathroom or in a bucket, but that night, he woke up sat up and threw up and the aim was poor.  So all the books from the book shelf have been wiped down with Clorox wipes, and set around to dry.  the bed is torn apart and pushed back so my pregnant bod could fit in and scrub carpet. The bookcase, though washed down, is not in place as the carpet is still drying.  I still need to take down the Christmas tree, but now need to reassemble his room first.  I still need to clear a spot in my room for the cradle, but that got pushed back too.  Last night I was soo tired.  Finished work at 5, picked up J at school at 5:30, ran to store for dinner stuff, made soup and cheese sandwiches and was laying on bed resting/snoring by 7:30.  Needless to say nothing got reassembled last night.  

Maybe thats why this baby isn't coming.  Maybe I had to get through J's sickness (am praying I don't get it) and reassemble the house first.  Maybe I shouldn't expect anything early as J was 4 days late.  My doc said we could talk about an eviction date on Monday.  I know she is on call next Thursday (1 day after due date) maybe the 20th is a magic day...

Sigh  - I really have tried not to complain or be a miserable pregnant lady as I am so lucky to be jsut carrying this child.  But, my patience has left the building.    I wanna hold him, snuggle him, zip my coat, and sleep on my tummy.  

Sorry for the rant friends.  I think I need some chocolate to sweeten me up.  Gonna go make a hot cocoa now.  I will post as soon as I can when he arrives, hopefully sooner than later!  Have a great day everyone. Thanks for your support.