Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My frustration.

The following is a rundown/timeline of how things have gone for us.

09/98 met husband
07/99 husband diagnosed with testicular cancer, surgery
09/99 engaged in Paris!
05/02 married!!
07/03 off BC – not preventing not really trying
04/04 pregnant!
01/05 bouncing baby boy! Back on BC to prevent 2 babies in 1 calendar year! (It can happen, do the math!)
11/06 off BC to cleanse system
03/07 started tracking cycles casually
04/08 met with OB/GYN to discuss lack of pregnancy - ordered 3 months of blood work on day 21
07/08 husband met with Urologist specializing in reproductive stuff – low sperm count (typical after above surgery), low motility due to very low morphology. Husband quit smoking!!!! YEA!
08/08 not ovulating properly started Clomid
11/08 IUI – failed
12/08 & 1/09 took a break from it all
02/09 back on Clomid
05/09 scheduled IUI – poor timing (Memorial Day weekend – ugh)
06/09 scheduled IUI - poor timing (on vacation)
07/09 not even gonna bother scheduling IUI – poor timing!
08/09 scheduling IUI no matter what!!!!

Whew! That’s my story – it’s a long one. Maybe that’s why I’m so frustrated!
Today is cycle day 4, Dr cleared me of cysts and I start another round of Clomid tomorrow.

So I follow this blog fairly closely and was relating a ton to what the writer had to say (and then she got pregnant too!!! I'm beginning to think that I am the good luck charm for all others who are trying). Anyway, she wrote a blog on borrowing other peoples babies to cuddle. I had kind of been avoiding it - seriously there are new babies everywhere around me so its been kinda hard. But in the last 3 days I have cuddled and snuggled with 2 babies - ahhhh bliss. One was 6 weeks old and I held her all through church (pretty sure I didnt hear the sermon but I felt closer to God!) and the other is 6 months old - different stage but still fun to hold and whisper to and make smile.

Guess what? It wasn't painful. It might have helped. I felt calmer, I felt like a mommy again - just for a moment- I think I will stop avoiding and keep cuddling. Maybe it will be what pushes us over the line. Maybe this will be our cycle - despite it being a crazy month...Maybe.....

Monday, July 13, 2009

Not Pregnant....Again

So it’s Monday, July 13th and I find my self in a familiar situation. Not Pregnant....Again.

It seems timing has become a huge issue for us this summer. We paid off the last IUI and were ready to try again. In May the OPK stick turned pink on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend. Yeah, well...the Dr's office was closed on Memorial Day, so missed opportunity. We gave it a really good run on our own but I am beginning to suspect that’s not enough.

So on to June, my OPK turned pink the morning we were headed out of town with my mother-in-law and 17 other family members from her side. (we had no idea if it would be stressful or not- it was not thankfully) So we did the deed in the morning, I laid there as long as I could with out making us seriously late for work, prayed a little, went to work and we left to go out of town for a 3 day weekend immediately after. Neither my husband nor I felt comfortable asking to leave for several hours just prior to a vacation day. (We work at the same small company so it’s very noticeable when we both leave) Close quarters at the cabin did not prove to be conducive to trying again! We did try once we got home - but let’s be honest - we missed our opportunity. Don’t know why I was surprised yesterday when I got my period....oh well.

On to this coming month - oh no it does not get better - I have done the math and figure that I will next ovulate the week between going out of town with my husbands immediate family (VERY close quarters - and occasionally stressful) and my extended family arriving for a week as a surprise for my dad. I am the party planner and activity person for their stay. I’m going to be exhausted, happy but exhausted, and we are not sure we should spend the $ on an IUI if it’s going to be such a crazy time. Here again I’m taking 3 1/2 days off for the party and he’s taking 2 1/2, we would have to essentially take another 1/2 day to have it. Is it worth it? Struggling with decisions. Watching our pennies. Want another baby. Ugh! Dr appt today for ultrasound check for cysts so she can re-prescribe Clomid. I guess we will give it a go ourselves that week and plan on IUI come hell or high water in September I guess.