Friday, April 16, 2010

Be careful what you wish for

Hi everyone. I just have to say sorry for the big gaps in postings. Busy, busy, busy. We signed on our first house last night (hooray!!!) so of course have been in a packing frenzy at home and will move this weekend. Apparently I'm not good at dusting in our bedroom - holy cow!!! Our office is also moving next week and the dust from packing up both places, as well as spring springing, my allergies and asthma are out of control. I have been sucking on my inhaler, popping Claritin, Sudafed, and ibuprofen for almost a week. I rarely take any of these. Right now just trying to get through all this and still be able to breathe!

So, in my last post I was lamenting the lack of my cycle returning after my miscarriage/D&C and wishing for it so that maybe my hormones would chill out. Well, as the post title implies, I got my wish and my dear friend arrived on Wednesday, with a vengeance. TMI alert - just like after my surgery in September, it is very thin and bloody, like a bloody nose. I am flowing soooo well that yesterday morning, in just over an hour. I bled through a super tampon and soaked an ultra thin maxipad - went right over the wings and through my jeans-at work. UGH! Other than when I am sleeping, I haven't been that much of a mess since the 8th grade. Thankfully, we were only working a half day so that we could go to our closing. So I put my jacket on my chair, had Husband check to make sure leak through wasn't obvious and sat for another 2 hours, running to the bathroom two more times to prevent more mess. Then off to home to change. Husband just said, this is what you wanted right? Well, yeah.....but this is a bit much don't you think? So my bloating is going down, my emotions feel more even keeled, and I am relieved to not be pregnant (weird to say that), but it looks like a murder scene every time I go to the toilet. Its here, I got my wish, now it needs to go away. I have to move this weekend, and next!

In other new-sy news, J gets his cast off on Tuesday, the jeweler called and my charm is done, now I just need to find 5 minutes to go pick it up. Gotta run for now - I am keeping up on my followings but be awhile before I post again. My brain is tired and formulating cohesive thoughts is tough.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Flat lining......

No no no...don't jump to conclusions, it's nothing bad. But it's the best way to describe me right now. While I'm super busy at work and at home and and even kind of overwhelmed with life right now, I just feel...nothing. The best way I can think of is that I'm flat lining. I'm not sad, not mad, not happy, I just kind of am.

Yesterday, J woke us up early for his Easter Egg hunt (extra fun with all the moving boxes piled up all over and an arm in a cast up to his armpit!) and then we got all dressed up and went to church. Then we came home and I made cheesy potato casserole and Husband made Eggs Benedict - mmmmmmm! Then it was time for naps. Husband wanted a "nap" wink-wink. But I just really wasn't interested. Lets pack boxes, not interested, go to park with J and fly his kite, not interested- but went anyway to take pics and do family stuff. Eat healthy? I did for 3 days last week and it was ok then kind of said I don't care again on Thursday and ate like crap all weekend. Now guessed it I'm just not interested. I want what I want and I'm gonna enjoy it cause thats the only thing that feels good right now. Ugh - I hate feeling like this.

Its been 4.5 weeks since my D&C, and I want to get my period already, like maybe it will flush this weird apathy away with it. We weren't careful a few times, I stupidly didn't think I could get pregnant after the D&C (in all fairness, I couldn't after my laprascopy in Sept) I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm afraid to be pregnant right now. Esp before I actually cycle again. She told us to wait until I have had 2 periods. For sure wait for 1. I don't want to find out I am and lose it again 'cause I was stupid. UGH! Just come already AF! The sooner you come, the sooner the next one will come, the sooner we can try again for real.

On another note, I have an anniversary band that we had J's birthstone added to at Christmas time. It was catching on my clothing so we stopped by the jeweler's and while they fixed it, I asked about a small gold charm that I can wear on my everyday necklace that will have meaning for just Husband and I. I have been wearing an opal (Oct birthstone - angel baby's due date) since the day after the D&C, but my grandmother gave it to me, opals are more fragile, and I don't think it's the kind of stone you wear everyday. Wisconsin weather could cause it to crack and I would feel awful for many reasons. So she helped me pick out a tiny open heart charm and it will be here in two weeks. That felt kind of good. I will try to post a pic when I get it.

So there you have it. Me. Flat.

I should go and get some work done. Kinda don't wanna do that either. :)

Friday, April 2, 2010

Hanging in there and The Infertility Blog Hop

Hi all - no posts lately, been super busy with our multiple moves, J's broken arm. I'm doing pretty well - too busy to wallow right now.

I wanted to try something new. A blogger I follow is hosting a blog hop and i wanted to participate.

So here goes. I will post again as soon as it all settles down.

MckLinky Blog Hop