Not surprised, just kind of disappointed.

So despite throwing caution to the wind, I am not pregnant. I'm not really surprised, I think that's why the sushi was soooo good - twice. I'm not even mind blowingly sad, just kind of tired and disappointed. I have an ultrasound appointment today to be checked for cysts so I can have another round of Clomid. I had to think hard to do my charting for her today - I think I kinda checked out last month- usually I'm very on top of it.

I'm gearing up to ask her two scary questions....1- should we do an exploratory surgery to see if I have an internal problem. 2- (and the most scary) does she think I'm starting menopause. I had tons of weird symptoms last month and then I googled some of them and the top response from Dr. Google was menopause...I'm terrified to hear what she may say. I know that I'm too far into this cycle to do the blood work for her to check on my egg reserve. What if I missed my window? Tough to process - though then I could have a huge-ass garage sale with all the baby stuff I had saved....

Lastly my husbands resolve to not drink so much has hit a slight detour - he is now back on track but he thinks that we should wait another month to try an IUI - so his sperm can be the best they can be.......AARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! Frustrated! I asked him if he was sabotaging our efforts...he said no - he would be thrilled to have another baby but if its just our son that's OK too. Whatever.

I'm going to go get my Ultrasound, and ask my scary questions and process the responses. I will report back later.