A decision, I think

So I met with my Dr and discussed all my fears. She didn't really address the menopause question, she wrote it all down and I think chalked it up to Clomid hormones, but we did talk about exploratory surgery. YIKES! She was ready to do it next week, but I cannot get my life in order to be off work for 2 weeks, and not driving for 1, in the space of a few days. So here is the decision, I think.

I am taking Clomid again this month, if ovulation days fall on a Friday or Monday, we will have an IUI done. This is unlikely as I think we are looking at a Saturday, which excludes us from IUI - again. If I don't get pregnant, I will have surgery on Sept 18. Those of you that know me know that I am a planner! I won't actually know if I'm having surgery until the beginning of that week - when I find out if I am pregnant or not. AARRGGGHHH. The unknown is frightening. Will it hurt? Yes. How Much? Not sure. Seriously out of work for at least 2 weeks?.....oh dear. Will I get the answers I'm looking for? Unknown, but I hope so.

What is she going to do exactly? That I do know! She is going to laparoscopically (sp?) look in my belly for endometriosis(major maternal history), if she finds some, she will remove what she can. She is going to look inside my uterus, do a D&C to scrape any extra stuff out (hence not doing this if I get pregnant!), and finally push dye through my fallopian tubes to see if they are blocked.

If after all that, the answer is that I cannot have children - there will be immense sadness and then I pray that we/I can move on. If the answer is that I look great inside, then we have decisions to make (and I think husband will have to do another semen analysis). We may still be done, we may try a bit longer. I have heard that after the dye flushes through your tubes, you have excellent chances of getting pregnant. Miracles happen right?

Then there is the money issue. Well we have been budgeting and saving as of late, but not for this. We have a $500 deductible and then 20%. This is not bad - but it is not great for our bank account or the prospect of a house in the sprin... Another worry.

My husbands take on it; if you feel its important, then do it. (sigh - not really an answer) My mom; do it, history is so bad on her side of the family, she wants to know I am healthy and well. Whether it leads to a new baby or not. Me....I am with mom, until my brain kicks in and I start thinking about all of the above. Still processing I guess! Maybe I will get pregnant this month and I wont have to do it! Pray for that, I am.