Flat lining......

No no no...don't jump to conclusions, it's nothing bad. But it's the best way to describe me right now. While I'm super busy at work and at home and and even kind of overwhelmed with life right now, I just feel...nothing. The best way I can think of is that I'm flat lining. I'm not sad, not mad, not happy, I just kind of am.

Yesterday, J woke us up early for his Easter Egg hunt (extra fun with all the moving boxes piled up all over and an arm in a cast up to his armpit!) and then we got all dressed up and went to church. Then we came home and I made cheesy potato casserole and Husband made Eggs Benedict - mmmmmmm! Then it was time for naps. Husband wanted a "nap" wink-wink. But I just really wasn't interested. Lets pack boxes, not interested, go to park with J and fly his kite, not interested- but went anyway to take pics and do family stuff. Eat healthy? I did for 3 days last week and it was ok then kind of said I don't care again on Thursday and ate like crap all weekend. Now today....you guessed it I'm just not interested. I want what I want and I'm gonna enjoy it cause thats the only thing that feels good right now. Ugh - I hate feeling like this.

Its been 4.5 weeks since my D&C, and I want to get my period already, like maybe it will flush this weird apathy away with it. We weren't careful a few times, I stupidly didn't think I could get pregnant after the D&C (in all fairness, I couldn't after my laprascopy in Sept) I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm afraid to be pregnant right now. Esp before I actually cycle again. She told us to wait until I have had 2 periods. For sure wait for 1. I don't want to find out I am and lose it again 'cause I was stupid. UGH! Just come already AF! The sooner you come, the sooner the next one will come, the sooner we can try again for real.

On another note, I have an anniversary band that we had J's birthstone added to at Christmas time. It was catching on my clothing so we stopped by the jeweler's and while they fixed it, I asked about a small gold charm that I can wear on my everyday necklace that will have meaning for just Husband and I. I have been wearing an opal (Oct birthstone - angel baby's due date) since the day after the D&C, but my grandmother gave it to me, opals are more fragile, and I don't think it's the kind of stone you wear everyday. Wisconsin weather could cause it to crack and I would feel awful for many reasons. So she helped me pick out a tiny open heart charm and it will be here in two weeks. That felt kind of good. I will try to post a pic when I get it.

So there you have it. Me. Flat.

I should go and get some work done. Kinda don't wanna do that either. :)