ugh!!!!

Hello Friends.  I am going to apologize in advance.  This may not be the funnest of posts to read. It may not even be well organized thoughts, I just have to get it out there. 

I'm overweight. 

I am.  I don't consider myself fat.  I don't look like those scary people waddling down the street. I don't have to wear a tent or a mu-mu, as a matter of fact, I wear around a 14-16 depending on the style and the fabric.  I don't think that's atrocious. My norm used to be about a 12..... I do have a bit of a tummy pouch flap where my 9lb and almost 9lb babies grew.  I'm obese on the BMI chart,  have been for a few years.  Really, obese?  hmmmmm.  I don't think so...most people don't think so. But something has to change.  

We need a plan at our house.  A plan to eat better.  Because I am in a funk.  The thought of this is mind numbing.  I'm not sure I can take on one more thing.  It might push me right over the edge.  But by not doing anything, I'm in a funk and it sucks.  Not necessarily gaining just not losing.  Just hanging out at this weight creeping up a pound here dropping a pound there.  Nothing fits quite right........you know the drill.  Husband says it doesn't matter.  I don't think it does, he has never shown a decreased interest.  But then again, how could it not?  I care....and then I get tired and then I just don't......and then I eat an Oreo, or 4.  Ugh!  

I need to start somewhere.  I'm contemplating Weight Watchers online but it costs $......I'd rather hire a cleaning lady to alleviate some other stress....

I like food.  I like good food.  Husband cooks good food.   I love chocolate.  A lot. I eat it every day.  Probably not  the main reason for all this but a contributing factor of course. I wish I didn't enjoy it all soo much.

I have written before about our time management struggles.  We are hanging in there.  I quit teaching dance because it was not fitting into our current life and I knew my daytime job was going to intensify.  And it has.  I come home at night with enough energy to play with, feed, bathe, and put my boys to bed. But that's about it.    I leave the cooking to Husband or we wouldn't eat until 10 every night.   He likes to cook good food, serves it up in huge portions and by 8:30 at night, I'm hungry and tired and I just eat it. Yes I am a proud member of the clean plate club...UGH

Not sure how to wrap this up.  Its not pretty. Its not fun.  Its just...... UGH!

Early Spring

Hello Friends,

I cannot believe how long it has been since I posted.  We have been super busy and and yet status quo all at the same time.  The weather in Wisconsin has been unbelievably, unseasonably warm -around 80 for several days now.  We have been playing outside- a lot.  Husband has been grilling out just about anything he can think of and its yummy.  This is March in Wisconsin people!  This is weird!  And I love it. I am a bit afraid that it will snow again, because this is just too good to be true, but in the meantime I am happily going out of the house in the morning with only a light jacket and coming home with out one.

Here are a few pics from the first evening we were able to play outside - about a week ago now.  It seemed so nice that day but it was only about 65. (hahaha that sounds so funny.)

As many of you know, my dad has horses and is very generous with sharing them.  One of them is much older and in the last two years had some knee issues so we stopped asking him to support adult weight but he is perfect for a small boy eager to learn, so he became J's horse.  J was introduced to Bear when he was very young, 18 months I think. Here is my favorite pic from one of their first meetings.  

J's first ride - 2006.

One of J's last rides - Sept 2011

On St Patrick's day Bear was not eating and seemed lethargic on Saturday so the vet was called.  It was determined that the 29 year old, former champion roping horse was in heart failure.  My dad has always said he animals will never suffer so Bear was euthanized.  And then, on Sunday morning, I had to tell J that his beautiful, amazing, horse had to go to Heaven.  He cried immediately, then settled down and I explained a bit more about his heart and that we didn't want him to suffer.  He had more tears, with beautiful innocent statements like, "he was so special, I want my Bear back.  I know I can ride Cinnamon mom, but there won't ever be another horse as good as him"   I think my heart broke a bit.  Because he is right, and his sadness is so pure.   

To give you an idea of how great he was, a friend of my dads wrote this in an email: "I've worked with lots of horses over the years but there will only be one Bear.  He surely was a wonderful animal and gently introduced lots of people to the world of horsemanship.  How could you ask more from a good horse who always did his job?  He became a family treasure and I know you will all miss him."  My dad put on Facebook, "Bear had many good qualities like patience, obedience, and gentleness. That is what distinguished him and made him so special. He was the one horse that I could confidently put my 5 year old grandson on and be reasonably sure that everything would go well. That is saying a lot!"

Enjoy the ride in the sky, Bear.  You are already missed!

Now, anyone want to take bets on how fast my dad buys a new kid friendly horse?    He really enjoyed riding with J and sharing that love of horsemanship with him.  I would be shocked if we get to winter and the horse count is not back up to 3! Fine with me! Its time to introduce Z to the sport.

Have a great day everyone!

Growing - Turning One!

Baby Z turned 1 on January 20th!  (I guess I cant call him Baby Z any more......sad.)  And just like his big brother, he had an ear infection on his first birthday.  (insert sad face) He had come down  with pink eye on the week previous to his birthday and the cold that started that, ended up gifting him with an ear infection diagnosed on the 19th.  Thankfully, he didnt seem in pain, and was still a happy busy little guy.  He was just super stuffy and started refusing to eat.

J didn't have school on the 20th so Husband and I also took the day off.  We have always taken J's birthday off as it is so close to the New Year Holiday so we will see how it works out to take Z's day too. We spent the morning being lazy and then did a whole lot of food shopping for a birthday party for our close friends to celebrate with both the boys.  My mom and dad met us for dinner at Fam.ous D.aves (Z didn't pick, I did!)  and we went back to the house where we gave him a mini cupcake. I saved the big cake for the party the next day.

Last but not least, Z had his 12 month appointment last night.   Poor baby, he got immunizations in both arms and one leg, then I had to take him to the lab and they took 2 vials of blood!  He didn't like it very much but was a trooper.  Slept through the night didn't need any Tylenol last night.  This morning however, I laid him on the floor outside the bathroom with a bottle when I was getting ready and when he rolled over and pushed up to sitting, he burst out crying.  I think his arms really hurt.  He looked at me like "What the hell mom?"  with a big sad face.  I scooped him up and gave the meds right away. I hope his day gets better at the sitters.  Its not easy being 1!

Growing - Turning Seven!

J has turned 7!  He had his birthday on January 2.   I cannot believe how grown up he can be one moment and then need a snuggle and mommy time the next.  I am proud of his sensitivity and how much he loves his brother. I cannot believe he has been on this earth 7 whole years!  We spent a lovely lazy day at home as it was a holiday from work.  We periodically gave him a present and he played with it or used it for awhile, sometimes for several hours and then we would give him another. it was fun to spread it out not just give gifts at dinner and send him to bed. He asked to go to A.ppleb.ee's for his dinner and they put the largest ice cream sunday I have seen in awhile in front of him! He was in heaven and it was a nice finish to the day.

About J and school:  I have written before about J and his struggling a bit in school.  I have late diagnosed (not till college) learning challenges myself.  Thankfully I made it through schooling but I do have some self esteem issues that stem directly from that.  My sister has a form of dyslexia and struggled with things.  She too made it through schooling but it was not easy.  I am super afraid J will have this.  I don't want school to be hard or him to struggle. I also do not want to put ideas into teachers heads so I am careful about bringing my concerns to the table.  So. They are starting a new math program in the 1st grade and he came home SUPER disappointed when he didn't pass into the program because he couldn't write 25 randomly given numbers in 1 minute. For Gods sake the boy can do multiplication in his head in first grade!  There must be something wrong that he can't pass that test, right?  So I spent most of that night in tears.  Worried about him, worried about how to help him, worried about labeling him, feeling mommy guilt for a myriad of things.    So after a long email to the teacher and a heartfelt telephone conference, she does not see any of my fears. It's too early for dyslexia diagnosis as he is not a confidant reader yet and his errors could just be new reader errors.  The math program, I got the feeling she doesnt agree with it for first graders butshe is doing her job.  She is going to try to find him a 5th grade study buddy who can come and read with him and practice math facts at the end of every day.  We have resolved to try and do math and reading drills every night as well.  Sometimes this parenting thing is hard on the heart.

I have mentioned before we are blessed with many close friends who adore our boys and want to celebratewith them.  This group totals about 12 adults and 11 kids, add that to our 2 adults and 2 kiddos and we have a seriously full house.  Our house is not that big and in the past we were in an even tinier apartment, so we have always separated the groups and did 2 gathering but that's a lot of work and J is of the age now that he wanted to do a party at a place for some school friends too.  So, he invited 6 kids from school and daycare to join the oldest children of that group of friends for some indoor rock climbing.  Then the school friends went home and the other friends and the rest of the families descended upon our home to celebrate Z and J together.  We served a taco/nacho bar and plenty of cake. It was close quarters and we have to come up with a better eating place for the kids but it wasn't as bad as Husband had feared. It was great fun and it was over in one long day.

It also spurred us to get our house cleaned/tidied up.  I actually had some dedicated time and got J's room tidied up. Its been a disaster since September and I just haven't gotten to it. It was one of the things weighing on my mind. It looks so nice to be able to walk into his room and it feels good not worry about Z getting something unsafe to chew on!  My parents had given J a new comforter set for his bed to graduate from Thomas the Train.  He is so loving it and his room looks much older now.  We are also going to repaint his room in some cool bold colors, we need to pick a weekend to do this and we need my parents help but we are looking forward to that too. I will keep you posted on this progress I promise.

Catch up - personally

Hello Friends,

Well, I have come to the conclusion that I am a terrible blogger.  I am an avid reader and keep up fairly regularly with all whom I follow.  I just don't always know what to say on my own blog.  I am sort of on the gerbil wheel of life; running from one day into the next.  Sometimes, totally prepared and on top of it, more often hanging on by a thread. I don't want to be a complainer, and often it is the same old same old.  I am just sometimes overwhelmed (see previous posts for reference) so I default to not writing.

So lets try to catch up shall we?  So much has been going on at our house and in our hearts, I will do this over a few posts because it became a novel.

There has been major upheaval at work. Some of it has been brewing since my review in June but I was not allowed to say anything to anyone.  I couldn't even tell my best friend E because her brother works here.  Some of it was way beyond what I expected.  This has all resulted in Husbands job feeling kind of precarious, several people losing their jobs and at the same time I was promoted to General Manager.  Talk about conflicted feelings.  We are only 26 days into this new stuff and it seems to be settling down but I am t-i-r-e-d when we get home. Its a relief for it to be out in the open, its stressful that its has come about this way, and its a huge culture change for me and the whole company.

I also think I am going to take some sage advice and hire a cleaning lady once or twice a month.  I don't want to worry about the cleaning and I can handle the tidying up.  The time is now because there is some extra salary coming my way and its not spoken for in the budget yet.  So I am going to speak for it and send it to someone.  Now to find a free moment to find and hire one........

Achievements

Hello friends.

What the heck!  Its the end of November.  This year has flown by.  I'm in shock.

Ok - so last week both my boys had awesome accomplishments and I wanted to share.

We signed J up for Tae Kwon Do through our rec department in the fall.  He has been going for 5 weeks now.  Last week was testing week.  He had a drill he had learned and he had to break a board. And break one he did!  Here is video.  Apparently, he and another boy were the only ones to be offered the thickest boards to break.  Check out his proud face at the end!

Not to be outdone, this video of Z was taken on midweek last week.  He didn't turn 10 months old till Sunday.  He is much better every day.

My life is full of things I am thankful for, but mostly these two healthy growing thriving boys.  Have a fantastic holiday everyone.

Walking - eeeek!

Hello friends.  

Yes, you read that right.  Z is walking.  Well, to be fair he's walking holding hands but did take a few actual steps last night.   I give it a week or so before we are in big trouble!

In other catch up news.  Per my breakdown post last week, Z had his check up on Wednesday night and is, are you ready for it?  17.8 lbs!  He's only in the 8th percentile for weight!  And no, has still not doubled his birth weight.  Sigh.  He has shot up in height though, I don't remember the inches but he is 73rd for height as opposed to the 40-something he was last time.  I guess we are getting there.

Z was wriggling, crawling, pulling to standing, babbling and chewing on everything while the Dr was in there.  He laughed and said it looks like he just burns it all off. I agreed.  Few ground rules, he can only have formula, no water, no juice. Sad as he LOVES water!  Only formula, we can introduce meats and feed him when and whatever he will eat.  So we keep trying with the baby food for now, especially cereal as I mix with formula and its another vehicle for those all important calories.  We have been offering him some real food.  I have been a bit like a mama bird lately.  Husband made grownup mac-n-cheese on Thursday and I sucked the cheese and other stuff off of a few noodles and gave him small pieces.  LOVE!  Yesterday, I did the same to potatoes from a chicken pot pie.  LOVE.  Last weekend, I did the same with grapes  - to get it out of the skin, and yesterday with a dill pickle. I gave him some ice cream on a spoon. He loves it.   I think he really likes to eat that way there is just no way he can get enough that way. Working on a balance between baby food and people food so he gets enough calories and can continue with is independence.

Mommy got some rest and though nothing is any cleaner or more organized, it is what it is and my panic about life and no time, has abated for today. One day at a time.  That's all for now.  Hope you all have a great week.