Gummi Bear

So my friends, 1st, if you haven't read the post from last week titled "Vacation and some other positve news", you may want to read the positive news section before moving on to this one. :)

Now on to this weeks appointment. I patiently waited from last week Tuesday to yesterday. Somehow, managed to not worry, stayed off of Dr Google, and took it easy. I was met with great reward. And I don't mean the 4 lbs gained from the constant grazing needed to keep the nausea at bay! :) Dr came in and got right down to peeking business. She instantly started gushing about how good it looked and how huge it was (I am not sure I like the term huge - J was a 9lb 3oz baby and huge is scary!). She was thrilled at the growth and how perfect the baby looks at this stage. It looks like a gummi bear she said and it did. We could see arm and leg buds, the big head and the little curved body. Wow thats a lot of change for 9 days! So for two weeks in a row we have officially seen a baby with a heartbeat WITH good growth and got pictures to take home. She was thrilled and I feel better. Still not shouting from the rooftops, but much better.

I see her again in 2 more weeks (I think she is doing that for my peace of mind, but who cares I'll take it!!!) I will be 11 weeks along then and really close to out of the first trimester. Then she will graduate me to once every 4 weeks.

Will I ever relax? I still can't totally believe it. I still am protecting my heart a bit. January is a long ways off. Thoughts for another post, I guess cause I don't wanna think about scary stuff right now. Positive, positive, positive.

Happy Friday to all - have a great weekend everyone! I gotta go find a snack.....

Vacation and some other positve news

Hello friends!

Well back to reality today. The alarm went off very early and sent us marching back to work. Our vacation was Fabulous!!!! Here are the Cliffs Notes.

We arrived in Pensacola, Florida on Tuesday night and by early morning Wednesday, we were watching the Blue Angels practice their show in the rain - J's eyes could not have gotten any bigger and I am a bit of a speed freak so it was AMAZING. The rain tapered off and we walked on Officers Beach on the base and it was gorgeous, sadly just off shore there were crews setting out protective booms for the impending oil. We had lunch on a deck next to a bayou, swam in my bff's pool and went to dinner on the beach and walked way out on a pier. Thursday, we got a late start, packed a picnic lunch and ate it under a shelter near the road - overlooking the beach. Soooo beautiful. The rain came and delayed our intentions of a dolphin cruise, but we did some shopping and got on a 6 oclock cruise. I have never seen so many dolphins! It was amazing. The captain let all the kiddos on board take a turn at the wheel and photo op for the parents - J looked sooo proud. Dinner at a great Irish place. WAAAYYYY too much food. Friday dawned hot and we headed to a southern cooking place for lunch - soooooooo good! OMG! then to the beach for a long afternoon playing in the surf. Word of tar balls washing up had brought out the news crews from as far as Atlanta and they were all over the boardwalk - weird. But we saw no oil so our day was fantastic. A thunderstorm chased us away and we ended up at a great burger joint. Early to bed after showers and lotion for slightly sunburned skin. (we are from Wisconsin - it doesn't take much!). By Saturday morning they were finding tar balls on the beach we had just been playing at. I had felt empathy and sadness for the region prior to going - now it just makes me sick. Saturday the weather did not play nice and it rained/stormed all day so we stayed in and watched Disney movies. The storms of course messed up our flights home so we flew to Atlanta, spent the night at a hotel there and got up early to catch a plane home. We were home and in bed for much needed naps by noon, up around 2, went to 2 children's birthday parties, and the grocery store all by 6pm and managed to get unpacked and 2.5 loads of laundry done.

Now for the positive news:

Husband/Cancer update, Nick had an annual appointment with a new Oncologist this morning and he has reached the 10 year graduation mark! We don't have to have these appointments or tests anymore! HOOOORRRAAAYY! Just live a healthy life and have some normal screenings, colonoscopy and prostate screenings at age 40.

Me update: I haven't wanted to say anything, because frankly, I am nervous, a bit scared and just dont know what to think and but I needed some online support. So here goes...... Three weeks ago today I took a positive pregnancy test. We weren't trying, we weren't supposed to be trying, frankly we were just enjoying a marital moment and I told him not to stop (it was good! hehehehe) then I started wondering one day where my cycle was.....and I realized I was late. So I took a test and sure enough, pregnant. All was going well until last week in Fla, I had a little blood streaked cervical mucus, and it hasnt really gone away. I dont know what to think, I dont know what to do. I didn't let it wreck the vacation (we don't have the money to take them very often) though it did put a cloud of awareness over it. Since the day I found out, I have been protecting my heart, honestly if I miscarry, I will be sad but I dont think devastated....I may be able to have it happen naturally. Is that weird? Is that just brave talk? I go to my OBGYN tomorrow at lunch. I dont know what to think. I have told very few people, and honestly, if some of my real life friends find out on this website instead of in person, I am very sorry. I am just protecting myself. Please, please understand. I will try to update tomorrow after the appointment - prayers are appreciated.

*****UPDATE: Dr appt today. I was really nervous! Like almost threw up nervous. According to her chart baby should have measured at 7 wks 6 days..........actually measured at 8 wks 4 days! WOW! She was thrilled and said she was very happy and excited. Bringing me back next week as a precaution due to the small amt of bleeding and will do all the blood work and routine testing then. I will be taking Husband with me this time! :) Thanks for the prayers - please keep us in your thoughts as we move through this. I am going to try to relax and just be until next week Thursday. 9 days.....can I really wait 9 days to see the little one again?

Moving out of the fast lane

Hello Friends.

This one will be short and sweet! Life indeed has been a fast lane since my last post. We moved into our new house, moved our offices to new space, cleaned out of our apartment, my students had annual recital (which is a week of late nights), my son had 5K orientation (gasp!). Oh but wait, we are not out of it all yet. We are helping to host a pig roast at my MIL's this coming weekend (Husband and BIL will roast the pig) and then we go on vacation after Memorial Day.

Questions of the day? How do you like your new house? Love it! Are you getting settled? No.....one needs to be home in order to devote time to settling. We still have lots of boxes in the basement. We have found the essentials and can get to work dressed and presentable but don't ask me where a strainer is in the kitchen! But it is ours, and it seems HUGE. (It's not!) There are sooo many windows and the light just comes through all day long. So does the breeze when the windows are open. LOVE IT!

Not much else going on, I have been reading posts during downtime but just didn't have anything to say. I have barely been on Facebook and the only way I've been keeping up with emails is via my Blackberry.

I hope this finds you all well, and I promise to write again soon. Though that may be after our trip to Florida. Pray the beaches in Florida are not oil soaked!!!!!!!! We booked our flight in Jan to take J to experience the beach and spend time with my bestie but we may be doing alot of hanging by the pool. Stupid BP!!!!

Have a great day!

Be careful what you wish for

Hi everyone. I just have to say sorry for the big gaps in postings. Busy, busy, busy. We signed on our first house last night (hooray!!!) so of course have been in a packing frenzy at home and will move this weekend. Apparently I'm not good at dusting in our bedroom - holy cow!!! Our office is also moving next week and the dust from packing up both places, as well as spring springing, my allergies and asthma are out of control. I have been sucking on my inhaler, popping Claritin, Sudafed, and ibuprofen for almost a week. I rarely take any of these. Right now just trying to get through all this and still be able to breathe!

So, in my last post I was lamenting the lack of my cycle returning after my miscarriage/D&C and wishing for it so that maybe my hormones would chill out. Well, as the post title implies, I got my wish and my dear friend arrived on Wednesday, with a vengeance. TMI alert - just like after my surgery in September, it is very thin and bloody, like a bloody nose. I am flowing soooo well that yesterday morning, in just over an hour. I bled through a super tampon and soaked an ultra thin maxipad - went right over the wings and through my jeans-at work. UGH! Other than when I am sleeping, I haven't been that much of a mess since the 8th grade. Thankfully, we were only working a half day so that we could go to our closing. So I put my jacket on my chair, had Husband check to make sure leak through wasn't obvious and sat for another 2 hours, running to the bathroom two more times to prevent more mess. Then off to home to change. Husband just said, this is what you wanted right? Well, yeah.....but this is a bit much don't you think? So my bloating is going down, my emotions feel more even keeled, and I am relieved to not be pregnant (weird to say that), but it looks like a murder scene every time I go to the toilet. Its here, I got my wish, now it needs to go away. I have to move this weekend, and next!

In other new-sy news, J gets his cast off on Tuesday, the jeweler called and my charm is done, now I just need to find 5 minutes to go pick it up. Gotta run for now - I am keeping up on my followings but be awhile before I post again. My brain is tired and formulating cohesive thoughts is tough.

Flat lining......

No no no...don't jump to conclusions, it's nothing bad. But it's the best way to describe me right now. While I'm super busy at work and at home and and even kind of overwhelmed with life right now, I just feel...nothing. The best way I can think of is that I'm flat lining. I'm not sad, not mad, not happy, I just kind of am.

Yesterday, J woke us up early for his Easter Egg hunt (extra fun with all the moving boxes piled up all over and an arm in a cast up to his armpit!) and then we got all dressed up and went to church. Then we came home and I made cheesy potato casserole and Husband made Eggs Benedict - mmmmmmm! Then it was time for naps. Husband wanted a "nap" wink-wink. But I just really wasn't interested. Lets pack boxes, not interested, go to park with J and fly his kite, not interested- but went anyway to take pics and do family stuff. Eat healthy? I did for 3 days last week and it was ok then kind of said I don't care again on Thursday and ate like crap all weekend. Now today....you guessed it I'm just not interested. I want what I want and I'm gonna enjoy it cause thats the only thing that feels good right now. Ugh - I hate feeling like this.

Its been 4.5 weeks since my D&C, and I want to get my period already, like maybe it will flush this weird apathy away with it. We weren't careful a few times, I stupidly didn't think I could get pregnant after the D&C (in all fairness, I couldn't after my laprascopy in Sept) I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I'm afraid to be pregnant right now. Esp before I actually cycle again. She told us to wait until I have had 2 periods. For sure wait for 1. I don't want to find out I am and lose it again 'cause I was stupid. UGH! Just come already AF! The sooner you come, the sooner the next one will come, the sooner we can try again for real.

On another note, I have an anniversary band that we had J's birthstone added to at Christmas time. It was catching on my clothing so we stopped by the jeweler's and while they fixed it, I asked about a small gold charm that I can wear on my everyday necklace that will have meaning for just Husband and I. I have been wearing an opal (Oct birthstone - angel baby's due date) since the day after the D&C, but my grandmother gave it to me, opals are more fragile, and I don't think it's the kind of stone you wear everyday. Wisconsin weather could cause it to crack and I would feel awful for many reasons. So she helped me pick out a tiny open heart charm and it will be here in two weeks. That felt kind of good. I will try to post a pic when I get it.

So there you have it. Me. Flat.

I should go and get some work done. Kinda don't wanna do that either. :)

Hanging in there and The Infertility Blog Hop

Hi all - no posts lately, been super busy with our multiple moves, J's broken arm. I'm doing pretty well - too busy to wallow right now.

I wanted to try something new. A blogger I follow is hosting a blog hop and i wanted to participate.

So here goes. I will post again as soon as it all settles down.

More unplanned medical madness

First an apology for the pics being positioned weird and in the wrong order. I don't know how to maneuver them.

How could there be more unplanned medical madness you ask? Well....first off it wasn't for me this time. You can see by the pics to the left that it was J. On Monday at 5:05, his teacher at school calls. He took a tumble on the playground, hurt his arm, and just isn't recovering how he normally does. My radar goes up. Define that please. There was no blood, bruising, swelling, he can move it and yet he is still whimpering and guarding it. Oh lord.

So we get to school and something is definitely not right. Call pediatrician and he can come to the clinic and get x-rays but if its broken we will still have to go to ER for casting. So skip that. Off to the ER we go! (OK we have beyond met our medical deductible at this point. I think this ER trip may even have been 100% covered.) My boy looked sooo little and sad laying on the gurney (see photo) and getting wheeled away to get an x-ray which showed a small crack in the bone above his elbow. Oh GOODIE. They gave him pain meds, put a splint on it, and gave him a sling. Apparently it felt much better (see photo).

Side note: It is letter "x" week at school and the Dr gave us a printout of J's x-rays - I scanned it, printed it out and he took in the best example of something that starts with an x! Don't ever say the Motleys don't go the extra mile! :)

2.5 hours later he is discharged with instructions to make an appt with orthopedic surgeon in 3 days. They did send us home with Tylenol with Codine for him - makes sleeping good for him. So now I get to miss work, again, and take him to a fracture specialist tomorrow. We shall see what they say. J is being a trooper about it all. He even took a bath tonight with a garbage bag on his arm.

How am I doing? Pretty well. Lots to distract me obviously. We are three weeks away from moving into our new house, and four weeks away from moving our work to a new location. As office manager, I know every detail of that move down to almost the hour between now and then. As me, after hours, I have almost nothing planned for our move. Some boxes are packed, some stuff has been sorted and purged. Oh well - we don't officially have a loan commitment yet - its still in process - I think I'm nervous it will fall through like my pregnancy. Patience is a virtue! Right???? On that note, J asked in the grocery store today why he has to wait so long for a baby sister. I explained that God has a plan and we need to be patient. Maybe he wants us to move into our new house first and then we just need to wait and see. I have to say it sounded pretty good. Not sure I believed it - but I didn't tear up. Progress? Gotta go for now - good night all!

Good night