ugh!!!!

Hello Friends.  I am going to apologize in advance.  This may not be the funnest of posts to read. It may not even be well organized thoughts, I just have to get it out there. 

I'm overweight. 

I am.  I don't consider myself fat.  I don't look like those scary people waddling down the street. I don't have to wear a tent or a mu-mu, as a matter of fact, I wear around a 14-16 depending on the style and the fabric.  I don't think that's atrocious. My norm used to be about a 12..... I do have a bit of a tummy pouch flap where my 9lb and almost 9lb babies grew.  I'm obese on the BMI chart,  have been for a few years.  Really, obese?  hmmmmm.  I don't think so...most people don't think so. But something has to change.  

We need a plan at our house.  A plan to eat better.  Because I am in a funk.  The thought of this is mind numbing.  I'm not sure I can take on one more thing.  It might push me right over the edge.  But by not doing anything, I'm in a funk and it sucks.  Not necessarily gaining just not losing.  Just hanging out at this weight creeping up a pound here dropping a pound there.  Nothing fits quite right........you know the drill.  Husband says it doesn't matter.  I don't think it does, he has never shown a decreased interest.  But then again, how could it not?  I care....and then I get tired and then I just don't......and then I eat an Oreo, or 4.  Ugh!  

I need to start somewhere.  I'm contemplating Weight Watchers online but it costs $......I'd rather hire a cleaning lady to alleviate some other stress....

I like food.  I like good food.  Husband cooks good food.   I love chocolate.  A lot. I eat it every day.  Probably not  the main reason for all this but a contributing factor of course. I wish I didn't enjoy it all soo much.

I have written before about our time management struggles.  We are hanging in there.  I quit teaching dance because it was not fitting into our current life and I knew my daytime job was going to intensify.  And it has.  I come home at night with enough energy to play with, feed, bathe, and put my boys to bed. But that's about it.    I leave the cooking to Husband or we wouldn't eat until 10 every night.   He likes to cook good food, serves it up in huge portions and by 8:30 at night, I'm hungry and tired and I just eat it. Yes I am a proud member of the clean plate club...UGH

Not sure how to wrap this up.  Its not pretty. Its not fun.  Its just...... UGH!